Today was so weird?!?!?!

OK so today was just one of those days where I felt like I was in hysterics all day and I honestly could not stop laughing! My best friend came home from her trip to Poland and she brought me a small ceramic bird and it's so pretty!!!! My history teacher is honestly the most odd person ever but he's also the best so it's great. TBH I really just wanted to watch netflix all day but oh well it's not spring break anymore fml.
      DUDE I'm watching The Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, rewatching Sherlock, Gilmore Girls, and One Tree Hill and I really need to stop watching so many shows bc it cannot possibly be healthy 😅😅


I just really love Benedict Cumberbatch

Gah

Middle of the night panic attacks are not my friend. I went to my room about 10:30 and ended up sitting in my bed in the same position for two hours because I was so terrified to move. I cried and rocked back and forth and every little noise I heard made me even more scared. This lasted until 12:45 and after that I still couldn't get to sleep.

Depression

Right now I’m struggling a lot. I feel like someone is pushing down on me and like a giant rock has settled in the bottom of my stomach and there’s a constant lump in my throat as if I could start sobbing at any time. It’s one of those days where it feels like everything in the entire universe is working against your happiness. I feel isolated, quiet. It’s like I’m invisible and I’m viewing life in my family from the outside. I haven’t moved all day. I watched two seasons of a show on Netflix because it’s mind-numbing and it doesn’t require any emotional exertion or feeling. My whole body feels completely drained. My feet are dragging, my eyes are exhausted, my joints ache; it’s as if my body is just shutting down because it simply cannot go any further.

I woke up at 4:30 am. I laid in the bed and cried until 5:45 am because all I wanted was to sleep, but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to fall back asleep. I sat in the floor of the living room until about 9:00 am. Then I finally went and took a shower, which consisted of getting shampoo in my eyes and then sobbing because I failed at the simple task of washing my hair. I got out of the shower and put on pajamas because there was no reason to wear anything decent, it’s not like I had anywhere to go anyways. I wound up watching Netflix all day and then crying some more, because hey why not.

I ate some tacos for dinner and now here I am. I’m just trying to figure out what my normal is.